<p>Rodney lived for 14 weeks in 1971. He was my second child. My other two children died of unrelated causes in 1983 and 2005. This autoethnographical account explores my experience of mothering a baby with severe congenital heart defects in the Australian culture of the 1970s. Looking back, I gain an understanding of how my still painful experience was shaped by the times. Silenced by the social and cultural practices of the day, mothering and losing Rodney was a bewildering and painful journey. Writing as method allows me to find my voice, by exploring the darkest part of my life and reconnecting with my mother self and mother-love for Rodney.</p>